Had a conversation with a 40yr old man about his 20yr old son. I like to think these conversations are random, but I’m not sure if he strategically chose me for a reason. I ask him if he was kool, on some “I’m bout to leave do you need anything before I go” type shit. I never took the car out of drive. I was hoping he’d say “I’m good” and head back into his place of employment. Instead he took advantage of the opportunity to discuss some issues his son has with him.
Confession: I am not a man, and not only am I not a man, I have no children. Especially not a grown ass man for a son. Am I qualified to discuss father son relationships, maybe not but I know maturity when I see it….
His son told him that he never taught him how to be a man.
The father was upset because he felt like his son was trying to “disrespect” him, and he had no idea why his son felt so distasteful towards him….. I thought it was pretty obvious that if your son (which is a good kid) said you failed him then you did. You can’t tell that man he’s wrong for feeling a certain way. I never told him I agree with his son, but I did my best to try to make him understand that there is a possibility that he could be a shitty father. I’m not saying he is, but there is a possibility.
On some real shit this is why so many females complain about men’s parenting skills. Paying child support and being around is NOT ENOUGH. It may seem like all women are money hungry hoes who are never satisfied with anything a man does, but truth be told majority of women are not. Those child support checks are not enough. You just being there to look at is not enough. The minimum is not enough…. I know a lot of men who have daddy issues that have nothing to do with their mother’s ill attitude towards their father.
Men love to accuse women of turning their children against them, but most of the time y’all fail your children on your own. Your children will eventually grow up and become capable of making observations. Don’t be so fucking surprised if they make some not so prestigious ones of you.
This man is far from accepting that his son’s negative views of him are due to his actions as a father. I listened to him blame his son’s mother, his son’s girlfriend, and his son. He had no capacity to acknowledge himself as the issue.
I wanted to tell him to grow up. You’re upset with your son because he told you the truth. He said “my son never said anything before now”. No shit, he was a little boy of course he didn’t have the courage to speak up for himself. Your son told you that he never felt like he really had a father and you got upset and hung up on him. Your son finds the courage to share his feelings with you, and you disrespect him by hanging up in his face?! Real fucking mature sir.
He said his son said it in a real disrespectful ass manner. I’m sure he did, look at who his father is…. You have to be careful of how you react to your children disappointing you. The same way you treat them when you’re disappointed is the same way they’ll treat you when their disappointed with you.
This “I’m the parent, he’s the child” shit has to stop. GOOD PARENTS DON’T DISRESPECT THEIR CHILDREN, PERIOD.
Your excuse: no matter what your parents did you never disrespected them because you’re old skool and you have manners. Maybe you didn’t disrespect your mother when she disrespected you, but you for damn sure adopted that same negative ass behavior from her and raised your children with it.
Your son doesn’t have to put up with your shit anymore…. You trying to force a grown ass man (your son) to respect you regardless of your weak ass actions is fucking ridiculous. Why don’t you try your best to be the father he never had? Reevaluate your relationship and ask him if you two can move forward. Don’t get into a dick measuring contest, because you’re not man enough to be vulnerable with your son and admit your mistakes. There’s no way in hell you can sit here and say that you have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. Just like I know, your son knows, you’re well aware of your shortcomings and you’re using his condescending tone as an excuse to convince him to not serve it to you straight. You expect your son to take your feeling into consideration and make sure he’s still polite even if he is upset with you, but you’re not considerate enough to resist the urge to hang up on him even if you’re upset with the tone he took with you.
Like father, like son.
Stop complaining about your reflection (children). If you do better so will your son. He’s probably upset because he’s 20 and he knows the world expects him to be a man but he realized he’s lost.
Right now is a great opportunity to be the best father you can be. He doesn’t need his mother anymore, so she’s not going to be in his ear a lot. He has his own mind now but he’s still easily impressed. Your son has no children and all of your children are damn near grown. Start a business together and use your spare time to teach him life lesson’s.