​FAMILY VIEWS

I had someone in my family accuse me of being stubborn and holding a grudge. Furthest thing from the truth…. Had another family member say I hang my good deeds over everyone’s head. Furthest thing from the truth again…. Ppl have no idea how much I forgive ppl on a daily basis and how much shit I do without recognition. Depending on who you talk to you’ll hear extremely different stories about my character. I love my family, but if I passed today I think they might actually know the least about me, but everyone will look to them to honor my existence.

I wish at least one person on earth will know the true me. My family not knowing who I really am is NOT solely their fault. I intentionally tell them the minimum about myself. I learned to live in the shawdows a long long time ago. I honestly don’t want anyone speaking on my behalf when I’m dead; therefore I am charging myself to create something that can speak for itself. 

It’s not about NOT wanting the negative aspects of my identity to surface, because truthfully I wear my flaws on my fucking sleeves…. I have always isolated myself (even as a child) to the point that at least 65% – 95% of my time is/was spent physically alone. There’s no way in hell my family could have known me considering I locked myself in my room majority of the time. My family must have only seen me maybe 35% of the time (at the most). They don’t know me well enough to speak on my character anymore than anyone else (non related) does….

I didn’t lock myself away as a child because I didn’t like them. I locked myself away because I preferred solitude. Nonetheless, they don’t fucking know me.

I Solicit To Breathe!!!

The requisite for lukewarm wind, a neoteric breeze, and more than one setting sun. Chronology carries on as nature stops just to attended my fantasies…. Audio of massive liquid slows my heartbeat leaking pressure off my ego. A surplus of thoughts with ample range coquets my insanity.

Flushed tension…. What civilized pain?

Without basis for suspicion, dishonor, or forgery. I am accessible to the deities arranged before me.

Take life in my lungs and squeeze it free, bury me beneath a tree.

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