​HARD LUST FOR A FAKE ASS NUN

I’ve unknowingly became sexy on some weird shit. I guess because I don’t have skin showing, I had to make up for my lack of sexiness in my appearances, with sexiness in other things I do…. There’s a dude at the job that all the ladies like. I wasnt paying this mf no mind. He’s an older man at least in his 40’s and of course he smooth af. Not sure when I caught his eye but this mf started blushing on the low because I touched his water bottle…. I looked at him like “wtf is wrong with you?”. I didn’t know men his age could even blush. He started laughing and shit, and all the other women started to get curious asking what was going on?…. Hell if I know; this nigga weird…. Once all the women settled down and gave up on discovering why he was having some much without them. He looked at me and politely asked for his water bottle back. He said it with a seductive wink 😉 like it had my juices on it or something.

“Ooohhhhhhh you like that????” (Mmmmm)

One day I showed him (without true intentions) what I could do with a bottle of hand sanitizer that accidently (serious accident) opened while I was fiddling with it and slightly squirted out…. He bout lost his fucking mind!!…. “Over hand sanitizer?!?!?!” 😕…. Let me put this shit down before this handsome mf get us both fired. Smh I promise I don’t be doing shit to entice anybody into doing anything (for real)…. Men be staring at you like they ready to toss yo ass up for no reason…. Sir I’m just over here being brown skin on a Thursday, relax.

I remember the time before last, when dude (mid to late 20’s) was staring at me so hard the white boy got nervous for me. The white boy asked the other dude “what’s going on?!” as he looked back and forth between the other dude and I…. I looked at the white boy as the other dude blatantly ignored the fuck out of him. The white boy continued to ask the other dude why he was staring at me. White boy started to focus on me because he wasn’t getting a response from the dude. I just turned around like neither one of them was there. That nigga was clearly having a moment of hard lust that came out of thin air….In a completely seperate event the other dude who was staring at me told me “sometimes when I’m staring at you I realize it, and I ask myself why the fuck am I staring at her?” (as he laughed)…. Uhhhh, because you’re turned on by my ability to blink my fucking eyelids that’s why….. I didn’t say anything tho, he had a girlfriend and I wasn’t bout to open up that can of worms.

When I first started to alter myself as a woman, I started covering myself up more and not showing my hair. I thought no man would ever talk to me because I wasn’t sexy looking and all the other girls would look better than me (because they were showing skin). Normally the only skin men can see are my hands and my face… That was a long time ago and they were silly thoughts that I quickly pushed out of my head, because I promptly decided idgaf if men didn’t think I was attractive anymore…. I’m still going to do me.

But I haven’t missed a beat….. I’m telling you If a man thinks you’re sexy, YOU’RE SEXY. Other women showing skin may get his attention, but he’s for damn sure still willing to show you some love, especially in the event you can keep him in that blissful state of pure lust…. He’ll actually start giving you more attention than the other women. Sometimes they’ll completely forget about the other women (maybe not completely, but close enough).

Men will have dreams about you too…. Stop trying so damn hard…. I put less than a quarter of the amount of effort other women put in and men still fuck with me regardless.

Just is what it is…. They can’t help it.

Suicide Via Pride

How much does freedom cost?

Sometimes I think about all the stubborn people who’ve killed themselves in honor of their freedom…. I’m not talking them stupid ass people who enlist in the military, and blindly take orders without question because somebody offered them a check…. I’m talking about those souls that were lost because they’d rather die than be reduced to something inferior. Like the movie Beloved, when the mother killed her children in the barn. Should we judge her like the people did in the movie? Is she crazy?

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Although I think suicide is some weak minded shit for someone like me to do; I still feel a particular type of honor when I read about slaves who jumped off ships and drowned themselves out of pride. I know it’s a contradiction and it sounds like a horrible thing to do, but I wouldn’t dear disrespect their decision.

I can only imagine how it feels to be so overwhelmed by such an emotion…. We live bullshit lives now; with our iPhones and our televisions. Many of us wouldn’t and couldn’t fathom that type of resolution.

Keeping My Hopes Up & My Fingers Crossed

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I can’t wait til African countries finally pull their shit together and start strengthening one another. Parts of Africa are already rapidly developing, and naturally when that happens more and more investments pour in. I’m concerned that the private property capable of producing endless wealth will be acquired by Western powers (honestly it already is, indirectly)…. but hopefully once Africa finally gets completely on it’s feet and is no longer extremely dependent on the Western world; they’ll redistribute their wealth. Only personal greed from leaders and passive citizens could allow their wealth to be continuously transported outside their borders. When they get their infrastructure and military built they should be fine tho….. I don’t know if capitalism will serve them well, but hopefully they’ll utilize it to the best of their abilities and produce a new, more reliable economic system…..