​ATTRACTIVE MEN ARE FUCKING BORING!!!!! 

When I say attractive I’m referring to pretty much all good looking men and ugly men who have a considerable amount of women for whatever reason. I don’t mind starting a convo, BUT DAMN! They just expect to set back and be entertained by my keen wit thee entire fucking time…. 

ME: “Muthafucka you’re not going to return the favor?!?!” 

Then they’ll randomly hit you with that indecisive “what you tryna do?” line…. They’ll say it in a way that’s suggestive and shyly open to interpretation…. “Please don’t throw out any innuendo sir, because I can assure you I’d rather fuck a more interesting man.”

AND they automatically assume you want to have sex with them as much as they want to have sex with you…. “You want to fuck the shit out of me because I’ve given you a reason; your mundane ass haven’t given me any reason to even like you. I guess I’m supposed to like you, because you like me????”

HIM: “sooo… you really not turned on at all?!”…. 

ME: “I mean…. I’m good.”

THE HONEST ANSWER: “Am I turned on at the fact there is hard dick across the table that desires me…. Yeah, that’s kind of cute…. But I wouldn’t say I’m turned on by you, as a man. I’m not fighting back the urge to smuggle your balls inside my fucking cheeks if that’s what you’re asking.”

I’m bout to start just flat out telling niggas they boring aa fuck…. From here on out you muthafuckas are NOT SAFE! You’ve been warned 😠

​FAMILY VIEWS

I had someone in my family accuse me of being stubborn and holding a grudge. Furthest thing from the truth…. Had another family member say I hang my good deeds over everyone’s head. Furthest thing from the truth again…. Ppl have no idea how much I forgive ppl on a daily basis and how much shit I do without recognition. Depending on who you talk to you’ll hear extremely different stories about my character. I love my family, but if I passed today I think they might actually know the least about me, but everyone will look to them to honor my existence.

I wish at least one person on earth will know the true me. My family not knowing who I really am is NOT solely their fault. I intentionally tell them the minimum about myself. I learned to live in the shawdows a long long time ago. I honestly don’t want anyone speaking on my behalf when I’m dead; therefore I am charging myself to create something that can speak for itself. 

It’s not about NOT wanting the negative aspects of my identity to surface, because truthfully I wear my flaws on my fucking sleeves…. I have always isolated myself (even as a child) to the point that at least 65% – 95% of my time is/was spent physically alone. There’s no way in hell my family could have known me considering I locked myself in my room majority of the time. My family must have only seen me maybe 35% of the time (at the most). They don’t know me well enough to speak on my character anymore than anyone else (non related) does….

I didn’t lock myself away as a child because I didn’t like them. I locked myself away because I preferred solitude. Nonetheless, they don’t fucking know me.

​HARD LUST FOR A FAKE ASS NUN

I’ve unknowingly became sexy on some weird shit. I guess because I don’t have skin showing, I had to make up for my lack of sexiness in my appearances, with sexiness in other things I do…. There’s a dude at the job that all the ladies like. I wasnt paying this mf no mind. He’s an older man at least in his 40’s and of course he smooth af. Not sure when I caught his eye but this mf started blushing on the low because I touched his water bottle…. I looked at him like “wtf is wrong with you?”. I didn’t know men his age could even blush. He started laughing and shit, and all the other women started to get curious asking what was going on?…. Hell if I know; this nigga weird…. Once all the women settled down and gave up on discovering why he was having some much without them. He looked at me and politely asked for his water bottle back. He said it with a seductive wink 😉 like it had my juices on it or something.

“Ooohhhhhhh you like that????” (Mmmmm)

One day I showed him (without true intentions) what I could do with a bottle of hand sanitizer that accidently (serious accident) opened while I was fiddling with it and slightly squirted out…. He bout lost his fucking mind!!…. “Over hand sanitizer?!?!?!” 😕…. Let me put this shit down before this handsome mf get us both fired. Smh I promise I don’t be doing shit to entice anybody into doing anything (for real)…. Men be staring at you like they ready to toss yo ass up for no reason…. Sir I’m just over here being brown skin on a Thursday, relax.

I remember the time before last, when dude (mid to late 20’s) was staring at me so hard the white boy got nervous for me. The white boy asked the other dude “what’s going on?!” as he looked back and forth between the other dude and I…. I looked at the white boy as the other dude blatantly ignored the fuck out of him. The white boy continued to ask the other dude why he was staring at me. White boy started to focus on me because he wasn’t getting a response from the dude. I just turned around like neither one of them was there. That nigga was clearly having a moment of hard lust that came out of thin air….In a completely seperate event the other dude who was staring at me told me “sometimes when I’m staring at you I realize it, and I ask myself why the fuck am I staring at her?” (as he laughed)…. Uhhhh, because you’re turned on by my ability to blink my fucking eyelids that’s why….. I didn’t say anything tho, he had a girlfriend and I wasn’t bout to open up that can of worms.

When I first started to alter myself as a woman, I started covering myself up more and not showing my hair. I thought no man would ever talk to me because I wasn’t sexy looking and all the other girls would look better than me (because they were showing skin). Normally the only skin men can see are my hands and my face… That was a long time ago and they were silly thoughts that I quickly pushed out of my head, because I promptly decided idgaf if men didn’t think I was attractive anymore…. I’m still going to do me.

But I haven’t missed a beat….. I’m telling you If a man thinks you’re sexy, YOU’RE SEXY. Other women showing skin may get his attention, but he’s for damn sure still willing to show you some love, especially in the event you can keep him in that blissful state of pure lust…. He’ll actually start giving you more attention than the other women. Sometimes they’ll completely forget about the other women (maybe not completely, but close enough).

Men will have dreams about you too…. Stop trying so damn hard…. I put less than a quarter of the amount of effort other women put in and men still fuck with me regardless.

Just is what it is…. They can’t help it.

Love Letters: Wack Ass Father

Had a conversation with a 40yr old man about his 20yr old son. I like to think these conversations are random, but I’m not sure if he strategically chose me for a reason. I ask him if he was kool, on some “I’m bout to leave do you need anything before I go” type shit. I never took the car out of drive. I was hoping he’d say “I’m good” and head back into his place of employment. Instead he took advantage of the opportunity to discuss some issues his son has with him.

Confession: I am not a man, and not only am I not a man, I have no children. Especially not a grown ass man for a son. Am I qualified to discuss father son relationships, maybe not but I know maturity when I see it….

His son told him that he never taught him how to be a man.

The father was upset because he felt like his son was trying to “disrespect” him, and he had no idea why his son felt so distasteful towards him….. I thought it was pretty obvious that if your son (which is a good kid) said you failed him then you did. You can’t tell that man he’s wrong for feeling a certain way. I never told him I agree with his son, but I did my best to try to make him understand that there is a possibility that he could be a shitty father. I’m not saying he is, but there is a possibility.

On some real shit this is why so many females complain about men’s parenting skills. Paying child support and being around is NOT ENOUGH. It may seem like all women are money hungry hoes who are never satisfied with anything a man does, but truth be told majority of women are not. Those child support checks are not enough. You just being there to look at is not enough. The minimum is not enough…. I know a lot of men who have daddy issues that have nothing to do with their mother’s ill attitude towards their father.

Men love to accuse women of turning their children against them, but most of the time y’all fail your children on your own. Your children will eventually grow up and become capable of making observations. Don’t be so fucking surprised if they make some not so prestigious ones of you.

This man is far from accepting that his son’s negative views of him are due to his actions as a father. I listened to him blame his son’s mother, his son’s girlfriend, and his son. He had no capacity to acknowledge himself as the issue.

I wanted to tell him to grow up. You’re upset with your son because he told you the truth. He said “my son never said anything before now”. No shit, he was a little boy of course he didn’t have the courage to speak up for himself. Your son told you that he never felt like he really had a father and you got upset and hung up on him. Your son finds the courage to share his feelings with you, and you disrespect him by hanging up in his face?! Real fucking mature sir.

He said his son said it in a real disrespectful ass manner. I’m sure he did, look at who his father is…. You have to be careful of how you react to your children disappointing you. The same way you treat them when you’re disappointed is the same way they’ll treat you when their disappointed with you.

This “I’m the parent, he’s the child” shit has to stop. GOOD PARENTS DON’T DISRESPECT THEIR CHILDREN, PERIOD.

Your excuse: no matter what your parents did you never disrespected them because you’re old skool and you have manners. Maybe you didn’t disrespect your mother when she disrespected you, but you for damn sure adopted that same negative ass behavior from her and raised your children with it.

Your son doesn’t have to put up with your shit anymore…. You trying to force a grown ass man (your son) to respect you regardless of your weak ass actions is fucking ridiculous. Why don’t you try your best to be the father he never had? Reevaluate your relationship and ask him if you two can move forward. Don’t get into a dick measuring contest, because you’re not man enough to be vulnerable with your son and admit your mistakes. There’s no way in hell you can sit here and say that you have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. Just like I know, your son knows, you’re well aware of your shortcomings and you’re using his condescending tone as an excuse to convince him to not serve it to you straight. You expect your son to take your feeling into consideration and make sure he’s still polite even if he is upset with you, but you’re not considerate enough to resist the urge to hang up on him even if you’re upset with the tone he took with you.

Like father, like son.

Stop complaining about your reflection (children). If you do better so will your son. He’s probably upset because he’s 20 and he knows the world expects him to be a man but he realized he’s lost.

Right now is a great opportunity to be the best father you can be. He doesn’t need his mother anymore, so she’s not going to be in his ear a lot. He has his own mind now but he’s still easily impressed. Your son has no children and all of your children are damn near grown. Start a business together and use your spare time to teach him life lesson’s.

Encouragement of the Black Female

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Up thinking about a program for young females that would teach them at an early age how to make healthy decisions.

One of the biggest downfalls in the Black community is the Black female’s inability to make good choices. We’re raised by the media instead of our mothers. In most cases our mothers are either out chasing men, or she’s too busy working multiple jobs to provide. When we’re raised by the media we value fat asses, thighs, long straight blonde hair, and misguided violence.

If we can just get to these girls before they dig holes for themselves by dropping out of school, not continuing on to college, or getting pregnant at an early age. We can really change the dynamics of our community. There are a lot of Black women out here who make great decisions, but our goal should be to completely eliminate unhealthy behavior and decision making in all of our men/women.

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The program should focus on Black females, not excluding males, but it should be openly conveyed to the young boys who’d like to participate that it’s for the encouragement of the Black female. Nothing should be directly designed for the young boy, everything should focus on her. When the young boy ask why none of the courses are design for him? Tell him that the woman she’ll soon become is design for him.

Religion vs Spirituality

Mike and I had a lil debate today about the difference between religion & spirituality. He’s a Christian and he identifies as spiritual, not religious.

His point was that religion is a practice and spirituality is the relationship one has with their higher power. He said that someone can be religious and not spiritual (vice versa).

My question: shouldn’t the two be intertwined…..

Him: look up the meanings of the words in the dictionary…..

Me: so you can be a Christian without practicing Christianity?

Him: some ppl go to church because they feel like they have to, but they really don’t focus on their connection with god. They’re too consumed with making sure they complete their rituals, when they should be concerned with knowing the Lord.

My question: why do a lot of Christians these days feel like it’s so important to differentiate themselves by identifying as spiritual rather than religious?

Him: it’s not about differentiating yourself….

My question: what’s so wrong with being religious? Everybody wants to call themselves spiritualist now, like religious comes with a side of herpes.

Him: there’s nothing wrong with being religious, it just doesn’t do anything for me. Why practice something if I don’t feel like it’s making my relationship with the Lord stronger….

Me: That’s a cop-out…. So going to church does nothing for your personal relationship with Jesus? (the question was aimed specifically at him, not a general question)…. I’m not saying you have to go to a physical building, cause history shows that ppl had church in the woods…. (We were using going to church to symbol all religious Christian practices)…. You’re using definitions created by some random person named Webster to justify your laziness. Most Christians are lazy, period. Y’all prefer to focus on the worthless distinctions between two words rather than using them interchangeably to help each other grow.

The conversation then started to go in circles, no love was lost during our dialogue…..

Although I’m not a Christian I’m still entitled to my opinion, and what I take away from my observations of average Christians. I think that if you identify as a Christian then you have to be religious and spiritual. If “Religious” describes action and “spiritual” refers to the feeling; I have relatively no respect for “Christians” who are comfortable NOT practicing (religious) what they preach (spirituality). To be a Christian you must first develop a spiritual relationship with Jesus, and then become religious about the connection you have with him. Meaning you need to perform the necessary rituals, or you’re not considered a Christian. Spirituality is like the “pre-christian” phase (yes, i just made that shit up). I think that you need to be spiritual before the ultimate step of becoming religious (a Christian), because if you did it the other way around it would be harder to reach your goals with God.

You don’t do a bunch of shit for somebody and then expect to fall in love afterwards. This backward ass thinking is probably why many women find themselves in relationships with males who they’ve made countless sacrifices for (ride-or-die bitches), but are still waiting for their return on their investment (unmarried females)…. Typically you fall in love first (spirituality) and then you do everything in your power to make that person happy (religious rituals).

The word “Christian” is thrown around too loosely….. If I were a Christian my goal would be to become both spiritually and physically (via rituals) connected to the Lord.

Niggas out here putting little to no significance on religious rituals, but they’ll wear their favorite jersey on game day for good luck. You think Olympians win gold by only having faith that they’ll win without practicing religiously?????

NBA players, practice. NFL players, practice. Artists, practice. Kids practice writing their ABC’s. Chemists, practice. Magicians, practice. Strippers, practice!

Seems like the only niggas who think they can get away with not practicing is you “Spiritual Christians”…. And to clear things up; people who are not spiritual but go to church and pray are not considered religious…. They’re just fake ass Christian too.

Fuck Outta Here! ~ Nonviolent Soldier

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A good portion of my friends and family are in the military or married to people in the military….. What’s really fucking me up is how many of them are against what’s happening in Ferguson. They’re exhausted with us posting about the situation, we have a bias opinion of the police, and violence is not the solution….

BITCH ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!

You’re in the military happily running to (or supporting troops in) Africa and the middle east to participate in wars (aka being violent without questioning the overall objective) for a muthafucking paycheck, but when it’s time to be war ready for your people you want to stop and ask questions and be diplomatic?!?!

Are you fucking serious?!?! Y’all fight Black and Brown people for the white man, and be proud of the shit, hollering “Hoorah” while your simple ass could possibly die. Expecting me to be grateful for your services, bitch fuck you! You were paid (payroll & benefits) for you reckless association with your country, AND I DON’T OWE YOU SHIT!!!! …. But let a black or brown person form any weapon against your beloved government and now you want to act like a bitch telling us we’re wrong about “Massa”….

These military niggas be posting shit about how they’re the reason we enjoy freedom; nigga kill yourself! You’re not fucking free and if you believe that your ignorance is worse than I thought.

I call it how I see and y’all are some BITCHES. Scared of the white man, talking about (in my bitch nigga voice) “well black people kill more black people than anybody else. We need to stop black on black violence because that’s ridiculous.”.  Oh so when your bitch ass go over to Africa on your so-called “relief & support” missions killing black and brown people (here and there), that’s not black on black crime??????

Nah, because the white man gave you a check for that, so that’s kool. Black people don’t pay you niggas enough huh?…..

I’m not sure if you fuck niggas forgot, BUT WAR IS VIOLENCE AND YOUR BITCH ASS WILLINGLY SIGNED UP FOR IT. You live/die by becoming a marine and now when you see people being violent towards white supremacy you’re all of a sudden against violence? Bitch I thought you was a muthafuck’n soldier?!?!

Sounds like you a bitch ass nigga to me. Y’all pick on the little guys, but when it comes to approaching the big bad bully (USA) in town y’all niggas want to start y’all fucking periods?!?!

Nobody in the military can tell me that millions of innocent black lives were not lost at war. You niggas want to call somebody out on being hypocrites, saying that we overlook black on black crime in our neighborhoods, but bitch you’re preaching nonviolence and you overlook what your organization is doing to predominantly black countries overseas.

HYPOCRITE!!!!!! NIGGA DID YOU SAY HYPOCRITE?!?!?! The nonviolent nigga who signed up for war?!?!?!!!!!!

Nah, not you?!!!! I know damn well that’s not what the fuck you said….

Lol boy I tell you, smh.