The Kind of Shit That Makes You Ugly

Had a conversation with my little sister last night. Well, more like I cussed her out for doing silly shit. I feel like the more I mature and push myself to be a woman, the more I lose my little sister and cousins.

Terrible combination of trying to focus on bettering yourself, but neglecting the very ones who you’re trying to set an example for….

My little sister is 15 and she’s been doing embarrassing shit on the internet. She looked me in my face and repeatedly lied for 20 minutes. I pushed her down and yelled at her, but part of me just wanted to chill and talk it out. Just get to the bottom of why this silly shit continues to happen.

Long story short my little sister values beauty over intellect. The shit threw me off because I don’t care about appearance. I walk around with a turban on five days a week. Only thing people see are my hands, neck, and face. Nonetheless beauty is her ultimate goal.

Couldn’t help but ask her why she wanted to be pretty? Doesn’t really seem like beauty can get you too much of shit these days. Since buying ass became popular; seems like everybody can be pretty with just a few nips and tucks. To no surprise she couldn’t answer my question. I asked what she was going to do with all her beauty once she obtained it? Once again the room falls silent….

So you just want to be pretty just for the sake of being pretty?!?!?!

I asked her what’s motivating her to want to be beautiful? Everyone knows I want to be rich so I can start a school and build a bank in Africa. Wealth is a tool I want to utilize to help people. What is beauty a tool for? She doesn’t answer….

Fuck kind of goals are these?!?!

So I decide to call her out on her bullshit. I told her she didn’t really want to be beautiful. She just wants to be a “bad bitch”. Looked around her room and not one thing in her room told me her biggest dream was to be a beauty queen. I asked her if she wants to be beautiful then why hasn’t she entered any pageants? Why hasn’t she posted any makeup tutorials online? Why isn’t she physically training and practicing water downed ass responses to all them obvious ass questions they ask during pageants? Why aren’t there any tiaras in the room? Where is all the pretty shit at? She hasn’t tried to pursue pageant coaching or anything.

You’re going to look me in my face and cry about how being beautiful is more important than being intelligent, but I’ve never even heard you bring up the words “beauty queen” in your life.

You’re full of shit, and just like you can look me in my face in tell me a lie; I can look you in your damn face and call you a liar. You don’t want to be beautiful, you just want to be a “bad bitch”.

I don’t think looks are that damn important but at the very least if your going to put some superficial shit like beauty over intellect, then you better really be about your shit. I may not care about beauty but I know the difference between Miss. America and Superhead.

I’d respect my little sister’s position more if she actually had a fucking trophy. She out here on some thirsty shit, doing it for “Instagram likes”. She’s doesn’t want to be beautiful she just wants the easy attention that comes with being pretty. She’d actually have to put in some hard work if she wanted to be Miss. Universe.

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She wants to be beautiful with long hair, and whatever else makes females “pretty”. She thinks she’s no cute enough, she’s not light enough, her hair’s not long enough…. So I told her we’re going to volunteer together. Since she’s making a big deal over her appearance. I think it would be a good idea to go meet some cancer patients. I want to put some shit in perspective for her. I told her we’re going to go and I dare her to walk out of there feeling sorry for herself because her hair isn’t long. There are little girls who don’t have hair at all. Women who don’t have breast anymore….. But you out here complaining and feeling bad because your “Instagram likes” aren’t flourishing. You’re emotionally disturbed because you’ve yet to prove your prettier than your peers.

It’s definitely my fault because I haven’t talked to her about the important things in life. There’s nothing wrong with a woman just wanting to feel beautiful, but you just have to work on it one day at a time. Make sure your soul feels good by giving back to your community. Workout so you can have your dream body.

Being gorgeous is great, and if you fall short of being the most beautiful woman in the world, just chill. You don’t have to complain and be a brat about it. That’s the kind of shit that makes you ugly.

Worthiness: Bad Bitch Edition

I think there’s a fine line between knowing you’re being treated below your desired (self proclaimed) worth, and actually being valuable. I think it’s healthy for people to assume that if they’re not being treated “right” then the person who is making them unhappy is unappreciative.

But are they truly misinformed about your worth? You teach people how to treat you, so why is it not your fault your undervalued? Maybe your communication skills are the culprit?

What if you really are unworthy? Many of us have no problem selecting things and people who are not worthy of our time, but the thought of us not being worthy of a thing or person is RIDICULOUS. You’re looked apon as having low self-esteem if you believe you’re not worthy of a person.

Low self-esteem Vs. Honesty

This is the reason I more often than not, dislike the word potential. Everyone wants someone to fall in love with their potential ignoring the fact that very few people have an eye for scouting it.

One day I accidentally broke a casserole dish. I swept all the glass together in a pile. As I looked at the broken glass I realized I could make something out of it. I collected the larger pieces and sat them aside in a bag to create something later. When I went back to get the bag it was gone. My mother came over my house seen a bag of broken glass and threw it away. She threw away potential, she threw away my creativity.

The ability to identify potential is an art, and you’re unreasonable to expect the average person to possess the talent.

Rejection is a bad muthafucka and failure is a bitch.

You failed to prove your worthiness to that person, therefore they rejected you. Talk about insult to injury! Two blows below the belt simultaneously…. So you make up an illusion about how you WERE worth their time/love/admiration but they were too blind to notice. They’re probably no blinder than you.

Close your eyes tight and keep them there. Make sure you share with the world how you don’t give a damn what anyone says; you know you’re a great person…. Even if nobody is a witness.

I think the people in your environment naturally demonstrate your worth with their actions. Now whether you agree with their estimate is irrelevant; majority rules. You should probably reconsider your true value and work to improve it.

This all was prompted by a tweet I seen by a Latin woman. Her tweet read: “one bad bitch is worth 1000 basic bitches”.

I’m assuming she thought she was “one bad bitch”, but clearly the men in her life didn’t think she was worth “1000 basic bitches”. Appears that whenever she gave men the ultimatum to choose between her and 1000 bitches, well….

1 bad bitch = single
1000 basic bitches = single

1 bad bitch = 1000 basic bitches

Contrary to what the men in her life have showed her; she’ll probably never admit that she’s a member of the “basic bitches”. She feels entitled to a man 1000 bitches aren’t worth, and not even he can tell her otherwise.

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Encouragement of the Black Female

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Up thinking about a program for young females that would teach them at an early age how to make healthy decisions.

One of the biggest downfalls in the Black community is the Black female’s inability to make good choices. We’re raised by the media instead of our mothers. In most cases our mothers are either out chasing men, or she’s too busy working multiple jobs to provide. When we’re raised by the media we value fat asses, thighs, long straight blonde hair, and misguided violence.

If we can just get to these girls before they dig holes for themselves by dropping out of school, not continuing on to college, or getting pregnant at an early age. We can really change the dynamics of our community. There are a lot of Black women out here who make great decisions, but our goal should be to completely eliminate unhealthy behavior and decision making in all of our men/women.

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The program should focus on Black females, not excluding males, but it should be openly conveyed to the young boys who’d like to participate that it’s for the encouragement of the Black female. Nothing should be directly designed for the young boy, everything should focus on her. When the young boy ask why none of the courses are design for him? Tell him that the woman she’ll soon become is design for him.

The Courage for Positivity

I’ve been feeling a negative pressure. I don’t know what it is, the source, or how to stop it….. I could be mistaken, but I think I may have discovered where some of the pressure is stemming from….

I’m apart of a Lean In Circle at my job. Lean In Circles are usually small groups of people who share ideas, stories, and information. This particular lean in circle is a spinoff from a women’s association, so all our members are females.

There are all different types of women in our circle. Some of them are older, younger, American, Honduran, Indian, and even Bulgarian….

Today our topic was on how to balance the grounds in Corporate America with regards to gender. It kinda felt like a feminist meeting at first (which I was not fond of), but then it turn into a discussion about stereotypical behavior women indulge in.

There’s one other Black woman in our circle…. I was completely turned off by her demeanor. As the first negative words delivered at the conference table rushed from her lips, she whipped her head sarcastically. With more sass than necessary she delicately repositioned her weave that swooped just above her brow. She repeated the tossing of her head and fixing of her insecurity the entire time she complained.

I’m probably the only one who analyzed her delivery with mild disgust. In respect to her inappropriate display of character I still walked away with an idea. Maybe the negative pressure I’ve been feeling is a result of socializing with negative females. I desperately inventoried all the conversations I’ve had with other females over the past three months. Not one conversation was completely free of some form of non-constructive negative belief or gossip.

I’m not saying all Black women are negative beings. Maybe we’re just products of our environment and the negativity is produced elsewhere. What I do know is Black women unconsciously (but willingly) consume more negativity then any other group of women on the planet.

The more she shut her damn mouth; the more I enjoyed the meeting. Black women are far too obsessed with negative behaviors. Many of us would only speak 50 words a day if we were constraint to only speak optimistically. Even this post has an element of negativity, but when you negatively discuss negativity, the negatives cancel each other out.

I think Black people are way too kool….. We’re too kool to be completely optimistic and actually happy. I knew not to trust these hoes before I even found out that the heart shape that symbolizes love, isn’t the real shape of a human heart. Smh, taught not to trust before I was taught how to love.

Wish more Black women had the courage to be happy….. The courage to be optimistic about something other than abundant male attention….. I need to find the courage to replace my own negativity that keeps me comfortable….. Black America, where being a female and actually being free to be vulnerable is a platform for humiliation.

Lack of character variety in Black women

I love discovering Black women who change the tone of how we are perceived. I found Misty Copeland a few weeks ago while browsing the internet. Women like her give Black women more variety of character content. I absolutely adore her for simply being a professional ballet dancer, and for being the opposite of me.

It’s refreshing to see difference amongst Black women, sometimes I do feel like we are all the same…. But here comes Miss. Copeland to prove me wrong, thank you MISTY!!! Hopefully if we promote different types of Black women to young girls they’ll grow up and chase their real dreams, not popularity (instagram models), boys, or respect…. Maybe they can just be a ballerina and be confident. Popularity, men, and respect will naturally come as you pursue your dreams.