​FAMILY VIEWS

I had someone in my family accuse me of being stubborn and holding a grudge. Furthest thing from the truth…. Had another family member say I hang my good deeds over everyone’s head. Furthest thing from the truth again…. Ppl have no idea how much I forgive ppl on a daily basis and how much shit I do without recognition. Depending on who you talk to you’ll hear extremely different stories about my character. I love my family, but if I passed today I think they might actually know the least about me, but everyone will look to them to honor my existence.

I wish at least one person on earth will know the true me. My family not knowing who I really am is NOT solely their fault. I intentionally tell them the minimum about myself. I learned to live in the shawdows a long long time ago. I honestly don’t want anyone speaking on my behalf when I’m dead; therefore I am charging myself to create something that can speak for itself. 

It’s not about NOT wanting the negative aspects of my identity to surface, because truthfully I wear my flaws on my fucking sleeves…. I have always isolated myself (even as a child) to the point that at least 65% – 95% of my time is/was spent physically alone. There’s no way in hell my family could have known me considering I locked myself in my room majority of the time. My family must have only seen me maybe 35% of the time (at the most). They don’t know me well enough to speak on my character anymore than anyone else (non related) does….

I didn’t lock myself away as a child because I didn’t like them. I locked myself away because I preferred solitude. Nonetheless, they don’t fucking know me.

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Love Letters: Wack Ass Father

Had a conversation with a 40yr old man about his 20yr old son. I like to think these conversations are random, but I’m not sure if he strategically chose me for a reason. I ask him if he was kool, on some “I’m bout to leave do you need anything before I go” type shit. I never took the car out of drive. I was hoping he’d say “I’m good” and head back into his place of employment. Instead he took advantage of the opportunity to discuss some issues his son has with him.

Confession: I am not a man, and not only am I not a man, I have no children. Especially not a grown ass man for a son. Am I qualified to discuss father son relationships, maybe not but I know maturity when I see it….

His son told him that he never taught him how to be a man.

The father was upset because he felt like his son was trying to “disrespect” him, and he had no idea why his son felt so distasteful towards him….. I thought it was pretty obvious that if your son (which is a good kid) said you failed him then you did. You can’t tell that man he’s wrong for feeling a certain way. I never told him I agree with his son, but I did my best to try to make him understand that there is a possibility that he could be a shitty father. I’m not saying he is, but there is a possibility.

On some real shit this is why so many females complain about men’s parenting skills. Paying child support and being around is NOT ENOUGH. It may seem like all women are money hungry hoes who are never satisfied with anything a man does, but truth be told majority of women are not. Those child support checks are not enough. You just being there to look at is not enough. The minimum is not enough…. I know a lot of men who have daddy issues that have nothing to do with their mother’s ill attitude towards their father.

Men love to accuse women of turning their children against them, but most of the time y’all fail your children on your own. Your children will eventually grow up and become capable of making observations. Don’t be so fucking surprised if they make some not so prestigious ones of you.

This man is far from accepting that his son’s negative views of him are due to his actions as a father. I listened to him blame his son’s mother, his son’s girlfriend, and his son. He had no capacity to acknowledge himself as the issue.

I wanted to tell him to grow up. You’re upset with your son because he told you the truth. He said “my son never said anything before now”. No shit, he was a little boy of course he didn’t have the courage to speak up for himself. Your son told you that he never felt like he really had a father and you got upset and hung up on him. Your son finds the courage to share his feelings with you, and you disrespect him by hanging up in his face?! Real fucking mature sir.

He said his son said it in a real disrespectful ass manner. I’m sure he did, look at who his father is…. You have to be careful of how you react to your children disappointing you. The same way you treat them when you’re disappointed is the same way they’ll treat you when their disappointed with you.

This “I’m the parent, he’s the child” shit has to stop. GOOD PARENTS DON’T DISRESPECT THEIR CHILDREN, PERIOD.

Your excuse: no matter what your parents did you never disrespected them because you’re old skool and you have manners. Maybe you didn’t disrespect your mother when she disrespected you, but you for damn sure adopted that same negative ass behavior from her and raised your children with it.

Your son doesn’t have to put up with your shit anymore…. You trying to force a grown ass man (your son) to respect you regardless of your weak ass actions is fucking ridiculous. Why don’t you try your best to be the father he never had? Reevaluate your relationship and ask him if you two can move forward. Don’t get into a dick measuring contest, because you’re not man enough to be vulnerable with your son and admit your mistakes. There’s no way in hell you can sit here and say that you have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. Just like I know, your son knows, you’re well aware of your shortcomings and you’re using his condescending tone as an excuse to convince him to not serve it to you straight. You expect your son to take your feeling into consideration and make sure he’s still polite even if he is upset with you, but you’re not considerate enough to resist the urge to hang up on him even if you’re upset with the tone he took with you.

Like father, like son.

Stop complaining about your reflection (children). If you do better so will your son. He’s probably upset because he’s 20 and he knows the world expects him to be a man but he realized he’s lost.

Right now is a great opportunity to be the best father you can be. He doesn’t need his mother anymore, so she’s not going to be in his ear a lot. He has his own mind now but he’s still easily impressed. Your son has no children and all of your children are damn near grown. Start a business together and use your spare time to teach him life lesson’s.

The Kind of Shit That Makes You Ugly

Had a conversation with my little sister last night. Well, more like I cussed her out for doing silly shit. I feel like the more I mature and push myself to be a woman, the more I lose my little sister and cousins.

Terrible combination of trying to focus on bettering yourself, but neglecting the very ones who you’re trying to set an example for….

My little sister is 15 and she’s been doing embarrassing shit on the internet. She looked me in my face and repeatedly lied for 20 minutes. I pushed her down and yelled at her, but part of me just wanted to chill and talk it out. Just get to the bottom of why this silly shit continues to happen.

Long story short my little sister values beauty over intellect. The shit threw me off because I don’t care about appearance. I walk around with a turban on five days a week. Only thing people see are my hands, neck, and face. Nonetheless beauty is her ultimate goal.

Couldn’t help but ask her why she wanted to be pretty? Doesn’t really seem like beauty can get you too much of shit these days. Since buying ass became popular; seems like everybody can be pretty with just a few nips and tucks. To no surprise she couldn’t answer my question. I asked what she was going to do with all her beauty once she obtained it? Once again the room falls silent….

So you just want to be pretty just for the sake of being pretty?!?!?!

I asked her what’s motivating her to want to be beautiful? Everyone knows I want to be rich so I can start a school and build a bank in Africa. Wealth is a tool I want to utilize to help people. What is beauty a tool for? She doesn’t answer….

Fuck kind of goals are these?!?!

So I decide to call her out on her bullshit. I told her she didn’t really want to be beautiful. She just wants to be a “bad bitch”. Looked around her room and not one thing in her room told me her biggest dream was to be a beauty queen. I asked her if she wants to be beautiful then why hasn’t she entered any pageants? Why hasn’t she posted any makeup tutorials online? Why isn’t she physically training and practicing water downed ass responses to all them obvious ass questions they ask during pageants? Why aren’t there any tiaras in the room? Where is all the pretty shit at? She hasn’t tried to pursue pageant coaching or anything.

You’re going to look me in my face and cry about how being beautiful is more important than being intelligent, but I’ve never even heard you bring up the words “beauty queen” in your life.

You’re full of shit, and just like you can look me in my face in tell me a lie; I can look you in your damn face and call you a liar. You don’t want to be beautiful, you just want to be a “bad bitch”.

I don’t think looks are that damn important but at the very least if your going to put some superficial shit like beauty over intellect, then you better really be about your shit. I may not care about beauty but I know the difference between Miss. America and Superhead.

I’d respect my little sister’s position more if she actually had a fucking trophy. She out here on some thirsty shit, doing it for “Instagram likes”. She’s doesn’t want to be beautiful she just wants the easy attention that comes with being pretty. She’d actually have to put in some hard work if she wanted to be Miss. Universe.

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She wants to be beautiful with long hair, and whatever else makes females “pretty”. She thinks she’s no cute enough, she’s not light enough, her hair’s not long enough…. So I told her we’re going to volunteer together. Since she’s making a big deal over her appearance. I think it would be a good idea to go meet some cancer patients. I want to put some shit in perspective for her. I told her we’re going to go and I dare her to walk out of there feeling sorry for herself because her hair isn’t long. There are little girls who don’t have hair at all. Women who don’t have breast anymore….. But you out here complaining and feeling bad because your “Instagram likes” aren’t flourishing. You’re emotionally disturbed because you’ve yet to prove your prettier than your peers.

It’s definitely my fault because I haven’t talked to her about the important things in life. There’s nothing wrong with a woman just wanting to feel beautiful, but you just have to work on it one day at a time. Make sure your soul feels good by giving back to your community. Workout so you can have your dream body.

Being gorgeous is great, and if you fall short of being the most beautiful woman in the world, just chill. You don’t have to complain and be a brat about it. That’s the kind of shit that makes you ugly.

Like Mother, Like Daughter……

One of my main goals in life is to make sure I can tell my daughter to be like me…. There’s nothing wrong with telling your kids to be better than you, but I don’t want to be one of those mothers that has to tell her daughter to not be like her because she’s made so many mistakes that the worst thing her daughter could do is follow in her footsteps…. More than likely I will still try to influence my daughter to be different, but if she insists I don’t want my path to be harmful to her.

Fatherhood: That Real Child Support

I see a lot of fathers out here being present (and that’s kool), buying their children beautiful stuff and taking them kool places…. But after you come home from the mall, after you get out your nice car, after you come back from that kool place, you take your children back to an apartment that you don’t own. No disrespect, but I think it’s time for fathers to take that next step into mature fatherhood. You can buy your children all types of shiny stuff, but will it be worth anything after 6mo to a yr? If it will have little to no value after 10yrs, what are you really giving your child?… Popularity?!

All I’m saying is when I have children I will make sure at every step of their lives that I’m obtaining things that I can give them in the future, that nobody else would dare give them. I will never buy my child fancy clothing before I invested at least $50,000 in their college fund. I would never buy a fancy car (including rims and other stuff like that) before I bought my children a house to grow up in. I want to be able to give my daughter when she’s 18 stuff that the average boy her age can’t give her (like a house with equity). I want to be able to give my son stuff when he’s 18 that no average female his age can give him (shares of a profitable company).

Everyone should try to take their parenting skills to the next level, so mothers I hope you read this too. You don’t have to listen to me because I’m not a parent yet, but you know damn well I’m not telling you anything wrong.