Love Letters: Wack Ass Father

Had a conversation with a 40yr old man about his 20yr old son. I like to think these conversations are random, but I’m not sure if he strategically chose me for a reason. I ask him if he was kool, on some “I’m bout to leave do you need anything before I go” type shit. I never took the car out of drive. I was hoping he’d say “I’m good” and head back into his place of employment. Instead he took advantage of the opportunity to discuss some issues his son has with him.

Confession: I am not a man, and not only am I not a man, I have no children. Especially not a grown ass man for a son. Am I qualified to discuss father son relationships, maybe not but I know maturity when I see it….

His son told him that he never taught him how to be a man.

The father was upset because he felt like his son was trying to “disrespect” him, and he had no idea why his son felt so distasteful towards him….. I thought it was pretty obvious that if your son (which is a good kid) said you failed him then you did. You can’t tell that man he’s wrong for feeling a certain way. I never told him I agree with his son, but I did my best to try to make him understand that there is a possibility that he could be a shitty father. I’m not saying he is, but there is a possibility.

On some real shit this is why so many females complain about men’s parenting skills. Paying child support and being around is NOT ENOUGH. It may seem like all women are money hungry hoes who are never satisfied with anything a man does, but truth be told majority of women are not. Those child support checks are not enough. You just being there to look at is not enough. The minimum is not enough…. I know a lot of men who have daddy issues that have nothing to do with their mother’s ill attitude towards their father.

Men love to accuse women of turning their children against them, but most of the time y’all fail your children on your own. Your children will eventually grow up and become capable of making observations. Don’t be so fucking surprised if they make some not so prestigious ones of you.

This man is far from accepting that his son’s negative views of him are due to his actions as a father. I listened to him blame his son’s mother, his son’s girlfriend, and his son. He had no capacity to acknowledge himself as the issue.

I wanted to tell him to grow up. You’re upset with your son because he told you the truth. He said “my son never said anything before now”. No shit, he was a little boy of course he didn’t have the courage to speak up for himself. Your son told you that he never felt like he really had a father and you got upset and hung up on him. Your son finds the courage to share his feelings with you, and you disrespect him by hanging up in his face?! Real fucking mature sir.

He said his son said it in a real disrespectful ass manner. I’m sure he did, look at who his father is…. You have to be careful of how you react to your children disappointing you. The same way you treat them when you’re disappointed is the same way they’ll treat you when their disappointed with you.

This “I’m the parent, he’s the child” shit has to stop. GOOD PARENTS DON’T DISRESPECT THEIR CHILDREN, PERIOD.

Your excuse: no matter what your parents did you never disrespected them because you’re old skool and you have manners. Maybe you didn’t disrespect your mother when she disrespected you, but you for damn sure adopted that same negative ass behavior from her and raised your children with it.

Your son doesn’t have to put up with your shit anymore…. You trying to force a grown ass man (your son) to respect you regardless of your weak ass actions is fucking ridiculous. Why don’t you try your best to be the father he never had? Reevaluate your relationship and ask him if you two can move forward. Don’t get into a dick measuring contest, because you’re not man enough to be vulnerable with your son and admit your mistakes. There’s no way in hell you can sit here and say that you have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. Just like I know, your son knows, you’re well aware of your shortcomings and you’re using his condescending tone as an excuse to convince him to not serve it to you straight. You expect your son to take your feeling into consideration and make sure he’s still polite even if he is upset with you, but you’re not considerate enough to resist the urge to hang up on him even if you’re upset with the tone he took with you.

Like father, like son.

Stop complaining about your reflection (children). If you do better so will your son. He’s probably upset because he’s 20 and he knows the world expects him to be a man but he realized he’s lost.

Right now is a great opportunity to be the best father you can be. He doesn’t need his mother anymore, so she’s not going to be in his ear a lot. He has his own mind now but he’s still easily impressed. Your son has no children and all of your children are damn near grown. Start a business together and use your spare time to teach him life lesson’s.

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The Kind of Shit That Makes You Ugly

Had a conversation with my little sister last night. Well, more like I cussed her out for doing silly shit. I feel like the more I mature and push myself to be a woman, the more I lose my little sister and cousins.

Terrible combination of trying to focus on bettering yourself, but neglecting the very ones who you’re trying to set an example for….

My little sister is 15 and she’s been doing embarrassing shit on the internet. She looked me in my face and repeatedly lied for 20 minutes. I pushed her down and yelled at her, but part of me just wanted to chill and talk it out. Just get to the bottom of why this silly shit continues to happen.

Long story short my little sister values beauty over intellect. The shit threw me off because I don’t care about appearance. I walk around with a turban on five days a week. Only thing people see are my hands, neck, and face. Nonetheless beauty is her ultimate goal.

Couldn’t help but ask her why she wanted to be pretty? Doesn’t really seem like beauty can get you too much of shit these days. Since buying ass became popular; seems like everybody can be pretty with just a few nips and tucks. To no surprise she couldn’t answer my question. I asked what she was going to do with all her beauty once she obtained it? Once again the room falls silent….

So you just want to be pretty just for the sake of being pretty?!?!?!

I asked her what’s motivating her to want to be beautiful? Everyone knows I want to be rich so I can start a school and build a bank in Africa. Wealth is a tool I want to utilize to help people. What is beauty a tool for? She doesn’t answer….

Fuck kind of goals are these?!?!

So I decide to call her out on her bullshit. I told her she didn’t really want to be beautiful. She just wants to be a “bad bitch”. Looked around her room and not one thing in her room told me her biggest dream was to be a beauty queen. I asked her if she wants to be beautiful then why hasn’t she entered any pageants? Why hasn’t she posted any makeup tutorials online? Why isn’t she physically training and practicing water downed ass responses to all them obvious ass questions they ask during pageants? Why aren’t there any tiaras in the room? Where is all the pretty shit at? She hasn’t tried to pursue pageant coaching or anything.

You’re going to look me in my face and cry about how being beautiful is more important than being intelligent, but I’ve never even heard you bring up the words “beauty queen” in your life.

You’re full of shit, and just like you can look me in my face in tell me a lie; I can look you in your damn face and call you a liar. You don’t want to be beautiful, you just want to be a “bad bitch”.

I don’t think looks are that damn important but at the very least if your going to put some superficial shit like beauty over intellect, then you better really be about your shit. I may not care about beauty but I know the difference between Miss. America and Superhead.

I’d respect my little sister’s position more if she actually had a fucking trophy. She out here on some thirsty shit, doing it for “Instagram likes”. She’s doesn’t want to be beautiful she just wants the easy attention that comes with being pretty. She’d actually have to put in some hard work if she wanted to be Miss. Universe.

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She wants to be beautiful with long hair, and whatever else makes females “pretty”. She thinks she’s no cute enough, she’s not light enough, her hair’s not long enough…. So I told her we’re going to volunteer together. Since she’s making a big deal over her appearance. I think it would be a good idea to go meet some cancer patients. I want to put some shit in perspective for her. I told her we’re going to go and I dare her to walk out of there feeling sorry for herself because her hair isn’t long. There are little girls who don’t have hair at all. Women who don’t have breast anymore….. But you out here complaining and feeling bad because your “Instagram likes” aren’t flourishing. You’re emotionally disturbed because you’ve yet to prove your prettier than your peers.

It’s definitely my fault because I haven’t talked to her about the important things in life. There’s nothing wrong with a woman just wanting to feel beautiful, but you just have to work on it one day at a time. Make sure your soul feels good by giving back to your community. Workout so you can have your dream body.

Being gorgeous is great, and if you fall short of being the most beautiful woman in the world, just chill. You don’t have to complain and be a brat about it. That’s the kind of shit that makes you ugly.

He’s Too Good for You

I’m always woman enough to be honest with myself, and I’ll say that there has only been three men out of my entire life that I didn’t deserve.

Everybody always think they’re good enough for anybody, but I don’t believe that. I know damn well there are men who don’t deserve me, and I know damn well there are men who I don’t deserve…. I’ve met three of these men.

The first one was a great guy who really liked me. He did his best to try to make sure he was always there to help. This dude was absolutely amazing! The only man who help me study for my exams. He did more than just help me study, he was my fucking tutor. I was having trouble, and he came through with the “we got this” attitude and clean my shit up. I got one of the highest scores on the final exam. I have absolutely nothing bad to say about this man. I told him how I felt about his overwhelming generosity, but I don’t think he believed me because I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I remember him asking me what’s wrong with him? NOT A GOD DAMN THING!!! We just wasn’t a good fit, and we still probably aren’t…. I think I didn’t deserve him in my life because I (unintentionally) made him feel bad about himself and didn’t try hard enough to correct it. He was worth that extra effort, but I said “Oh well”. I don’t want to be with him, but he’d be a amazing friend….. I do deserve him as a friend now.

Second guy was someone I was involved with for a quick minute. He wasn’t as great as the first guy, but nonetheless he was a good man that I didn’t know what to do with at the time. Out of all the guys I dated he was the only one who never once made me feel unsafe or uncomfortable around him. Other guys will say things that indirectly threaten you physically or would potentially harm your health. He was the king of making a woman feel comfortable. When I had a cold he tucked me in and brought me ice cream. I asked for ice cream because it’s been clinically proven to cure common colds…. I wouldn’t know what security feels like if it wasn’t for him. He gave me a key to his appointment, but I shortly returned it. I don’t regret not being with him, but I’d like him to know that I appreciate everything he did. He tried to take care of me, but I wasn’t ready and he knew it. Even after he knew I wasn’t ready he still was willing to waste his time on giving it a second shot (that i didn’t ask for) a year later…. I do deserve him as a good friend now, but he won’t be reading this.

Third guy was actually a platonic friend…. As a reoccurring theme I didn’t actually want to be with him either. I never really wanted any of these men (and I still don’t), but that doesn’t stop me from knowing that if I did, I wouldn’t have deserved them back in the day…. This last guy is the only man I currently still feel like I probably don’t deserve. I don’t think I’m developed enough as a woman to adequately take him on….. It was weird because we were good friends for some time and then one day out of nowhere he said on some “FYI” shit “you don’t deserve me”. Of course he’s a good friend so he said it much nicer than that, but I guess he felt like he needed to let me know so I didn’t get any bright ideas….. “Ummm first off muthafucka I don’t want you, (long pause) and besides I already know that. Your punk ass didn’t have to say it out loud”…. Smh, good thing I’m not a sensitive human being. That man tried to squash some invisible dream he made up for me. That’s my boy though and I would’ve did the same shit to him if the shoe was on the other foot. We have zero chill in this bitch.

Good Times….

Encouragement of the Black Female

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Up thinking about a program for young females that would teach them at an early age how to make healthy decisions.

One of the biggest downfalls in the Black community is the Black female’s inability to make good choices. We’re raised by the media instead of our mothers. In most cases our mothers are either out chasing men, or she’s too busy working multiple jobs to provide. When we’re raised by the media we value fat asses, thighs, long straight blonde hair, and misguided violence.

If we can just get to these girls before they dig holes for themselves by dropping out of school, not continuing on to college, or getting pregnant at an early age. We can really change the dynamics of our community. There are a lot of Black women out here who make great decisions, but our goal should be to completely eliminate unhealthy behavior and decision making in all of our men/women.

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The program should focus on Black females, not excluding males, but it should be openly conveyed to the young boys who’d like to participate that it’s for the encouragement of the Black female. Nothing should be directly designed for the young boy, everything should focus on her. When the young boy ask why none of the courses are design for him? Tell him that the woman she’ll soon become is design for him.

Fuck Outta Here! ~ Nonviolent Soldier

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A good portion of my friends and family are in the military or married to people in the military….. What’s really fucking me up is how many of them are against what’s happening in Ferguson. They’re exhausted with us posting about the situation, we have a bias opinion of the police, and violence is not the solution….

BITCH ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!

You’re in the military happily running to (or supporting troops in) Africa and the middle east to participate in wars (aka being violent without questioning the overall objective) for a muthafucking paycheck, but when it’s time to be war ready for your people you want to stop and ask questions and be diplomatic?!?!

Are you fucking serious?!?! Y’all fight Black and Brown people for the white man, and be proud of the shit, hollering “Hoorah” while your simple ass could possibly die. Expecting me to be grateful for your services, bitch fuck you! You were paid (payroll & benefits) for you reckless association with your country, AND I DON’T OWE YOU SHIT!!!! …. But let a black or brown person form any weapon against your beloved government and now you want to act like a bitch telling us we’re wrong about “Massa”….

These military niggas be posting shit about how they’re the reason we enjoy freedom; nigga kill yourself! You’re not fucking free and if you believe that your ignorance is worse than I thought.

I call it how I see and y’all are some BITCHES. Scared of the white man, talking about (in my bitch nigga voice) “well black people kill more black people than anybody else. We need to stop black on black violence because that’s ridiculous.”.  Oh so when your bitch ass go over to Africa on your so-called “relief & support” missions killing black and brown people (here and there), that’s not black on black crime??????

Nah, because the white man gave you a check for that, so that’s kool. Black people don’t pay you niggas enough huh?…..

I’m not sure if you fuck niggas forgot, BUT WAR IS VIOLENCE AND YOUR BITCH ASS WILLINGLY SIGNED UP FOR IT. You live/die by becoming a marine and now when you see people being violent towards white supremacy you’re all of a sudden against violence? Bitch I thought you was a muthafuck’n soldier?!?!

Sounds like you a bitch ass nigga to me. Y’all pick on the little guys, but when it comes to approaching the big bad bully (USA) in town y’all niggas want to start y’all fucking periods?!?!

Nobody in the military can tell me that millions of innocent black lives were not lost at war. You niggas want to call somebody out on being hypocrites, saying that we overlook black on black crime in our neighborhoods, but bitch you’re preaching nonviolence and you overlook what your organization is doing to predominantly black countries overseas.

HYPOCRITE!!!!!! NIGGA DID YOU SAY HYPOCRITE?!?!?! The nonviolent nigga who signed up for war?!?!?!!!!!!

Nah, not you?!!!! I know damn well that’s not what the fuck you said….

Lol boy I tell you, smh.

Suicide Via Pride

How much does freedom cost?

Sometimes I think about all the stubborn people who’ve killed themselves in honor of their freedom…. I’m not talking them stupid ass people who enlist in the military, and blindly take orders without question because somebody offered them a check…. I’m talking about those souls that were lost because they’d rather die than be reduced to something inferior. Like the movie Beloved, when the mother killed her children in the barn. Should we judge her like the people did in the movie? Is she crazy?

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Although I think suicide is some weak minded shit for someone like me to do; I still feel a particular type of honor when I read about slaves who jumped off ships and drowned themselves out of pride. I know it’s a contradiction and it sounds like a horrible thing to do, but I wouldn’t dear disrespect their decision.

I can only imagine how it feels to be so overwhelmed by such an emotion…. We live bullshit lives now; with our iPhones and our televisions. Many of us wouldn’t and couldn’t fathom that type of resolution.

You’re Meaningless Entertainment

I wasn’t going write on the subject, but everyone else seems to be captivated by the words or Donald Sterling. Honestly I didn’t listen to the recording and I have no intentions to listen to it. There’s nothing that man could possibly say that would surprise me. When you study American history you’ll be introduced to horrific events that are a lot worse than someone’s petty opinion.

Rather than focus on the recording I’d like to focus on the relevance of entertainer’s social responsibility. I’ve seen multiple people express why athletes and other celebrities should not be expected to participate in social issues involving race.

I will say that Donald Sterling has a right to freely express himself…. That’s his right….

I understand why many people feel like entertainer’s have no responsibility to social movements. It’s unfair to pressure someone into being a political activist for something they may not personally agree with. They could potentially lose money and destroy their reputations. I agree that we can’t expect entertainers to solve our social or political problems. Many of them are not intellectual beings capable of producing even slightly reasonable solutions. Celebrities are here to entertain the public; we have politicians and community activist to handle the more serious issues.

Although I understand these points above, I still personally believe that everyone plays their part in making history. I think one of the main problems in the black community is we don’t expect enough out of each other. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard parents tell their children they better graduate from high school; as if a diploma is still acceptable in today’s economy. Women not expecting their husbands to be faithful, so she throws her chin a little higher and forces a smile while she washes another woman’s lipstick off his collar. Fathers who don’t expect their baby momz to use the child support check she’s been mocking his ego with, to purchase anything for his son/daughter. Nobody expects anything more out of anyone, and nobody feels responsible. We need to start holding each other accountable.

Black solidarity is at an all time low…. Black people are probably thee most individualistic group on the planet. While our Caucasian counterparts practice the “good ol’ boy” system, some of us are gunning each other down in the middle of the street. We are too departmentalized in our approach to solving our common struggle. There’s a reason it takes a village to raise a child…. As your neighbor if I saw your child outside doing something they weren’t supposed to do; I would try to correct their behavior. I’m not going to walk back in the house and say “I don’t have kids, that’s not my department”.

I don’t care if they’re a celebrity or not, every adult human being should be expected to educate oneself and evoke change based on that acquired knowledge.

Do I think that any of these men could be the next Muhammad Ali?…. HELL NAH!!!!
Muhammad Ali was one of the greatest athletes and outspoken activist/representatives in the history of sports. It would be hard to choreograph one individual to be the next Ali, let alone a starting five…. I do think that these men have a responsibility to implement any agenda that promotes progress in their communities. Every adult should have some type of political involvement and explicitly support whatever social/economic/political issue that moves them. You don’t get out of being an adult just because you’re a celebrity.

I’ve also noticed that people who don’t think we should have political expectations for entertainers are a little dramatic. Nobody expect these entertainers to take over the White House. We should just use them as advertising outlets for political agendas that support Black people. Most of them are promoting agendas already anyhow.

I think its kinda messed up that anyone would say that all someone is good for is meaningless entertainment. I’d be pissed If I was an entertainer and someone had that attitude towards me. People are more than their occupations…..

Next question: who are we to say that because a person is Black, they should support the Black community?

I know I’m not going to hold anybody at gun point for their help.