I’ve been feeling a negative pressure. I don’t know what it is, the source, or how to stop it….. I could be mistaken, but I think I may have discovered where some of the pressure is stemming from….
I’m apart of a Lean In Circle at my job. Lean In Circles are usually small groups of people who share ideas, stories, and information. This particular lean in circle is a spinoff from a women’s association, so all our members are females.
There are all different types of women in our circle. Some of them are older, younger, American, Honduran, Indian, and even Bulgarian….
Today our topic was on how to balance the grounds in Corporate America with regards to gender. It kinda felt like a feminist meeting at first (which I was not fond of), but then it turn into a discussion about stereotypical behavior women indulge in.
There’s one other Black woman in our circle…. I was completely turned off by her demeanor. As the first negative words delivered at the conference table rushed from her lips, she whipped her head sarcastically. With more sass than necessary she delicately repositioned her weave that swooped just above her brow. She repeated the tossing of her head and fixing of her insecurity the entire time she complained.
I’m probably the only one who analyzed her delivery with mild disgust. In respect to her inappropriate display of character I still walked away with an idea. Maybe the negative pressure I’ve been feeling is a result of socializing with negative females. I desperately inventoried all the conversations I’ve had with other females over the past three months. Not one conversation was completely free of some form of non-constructive negative belief or gossip.
I’m not saying all Black women are negative beings. Maybe we’re just products of our environment and the negativity is produced elsewhere. What I do know is Black women unconsciously (but willingly) consume more negativity then any other group of women on the planet.
The more she shut her damn mouth; the more I enjoyed the meeting. Black women are far too obsessed with negative behaviors. Many of us would only speak 50 words a day if we were constraint to only speak optimistically. Even this post has an element of negativity, but when you negatively discuss negativity, the negatives cancel each other out.
I think Black people are way too kool….. We’re too kool to be completely optimistic and actually happy. I knew not to trust these hoes before I even found out that the heart shape that symbolizes love, isn’t the real shape of a human heart. Smh, taught not to trust before I was taught how to love.
Wish more Black women had the courage to be happy….. The courage to be optimistic about something other than abundant male attention….. I need to find the courage to replace my own negativity that keeps me comfortable….. Black America, where being a female and actually being free to be vulnerable is a platform for humiliation.